Time Is The Problem and The Answer

Time sure passes very quickly when you're busy and thats what's goin on these past weeks in school. I've got CTs comin up next week, projects and lab reports due soon. Ironically, the CTs are the ones that put a halt on all the rest of the projects. Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse....shit happens!

I haven't been getting much sleep over the past few weeks. I think insomnia's kinda kicking in...or is it something else? What do you call a situation when you just can't stop thinking about someone almost every minute even just before you fall sleep?

I tried but its hard, very hard...

I believe we all have bore a grudge against 'em when someone offends us.
It might not be a big deal to them but you resent them.
You can give the smiling face when you see them,
but deep down inside you know you are lying to yourself.
It could be because of a small joke they played on you,
or perhaps something awful they called you,
and sometimes, somehow, you just can't help but feel that way.
Although this is what I'm feeling now,
it feels wrong...

Lord, I pray you will give me the heart to forgive those who have insulted me
and forgive my enemies the way you have forgiven our sins...

Oh yeah, its for my own good...I'm sure it is.

From the title, you can probably guess its something to do with parents and it damn well has something to do with it. Mothers can be really sweet at times but sometimes they can be (forgive me Lord) a pain in the neck! At the age of 19, my own mother still demands I get back home by midnight! what in heck's name?! For the love of -,I'm a guy not a girl. If I'm a girl I can understand its for safety reasons but what can happen to a guy in the middle of the night? Getting molested or raped?!

When I asked her why, the best reason she could come up with is," you're still a student." That's the exact damn reason why I don't wanna study after NS. If I'm goin to uni, I will most likely still have to get my allowance from her and that means I have to live by her rules whether I like it or not. But if I go out to work, that's a different scenario altogether...I've even thought of moving out when I've a stable job...Anyway, the point is, see how much I hate my life being controlled? So don't go around telling me what's good for me and what's not unless I ask for your opinion. Argh, life sucks...

This song says it all, need I still say more?

Helpless When She Smiles
Backstreet Boys
Unbreakable

She keeps the secrets in her eyes
She wraps the truth inside her lies
And just when I can't take what she's done to me
She comes to me
And leads me back to paradise

She's so hard to hold
But I can't let go

I'm a house of cards in a hurricane
A reckless ride in the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain is all I wanna feel
She dances away just like a child
She drives me crazy, drives me wild
But I'm helpless when she smiles (oh when she smiles.. she smiles..)

Maybe I'd find it if I could (Maybe I'd find it if I could)
It hurts so bad, but feels so good
She opens up just like a rose to me
When she's close to me
Anything she asked me to, I would

It's out of control
But I can't let go

I'm a house of cards in a hurricane
A reckless ride in the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain is all I wanna feel
She dances away just like a child
She drives me crazy, drives me wild
But I'm helpless when she smiles (oh no.. when she smiles..)

When she looks at me (When she looks at me)
I get so weak

I'm a house of cards in a hurricane
A reckless ride in the pouring rain
She cuts me and the pain is all I wanna feel
She dances away just like a child
She drives me crazy, drives me wild
But I'm helpless when she smiles (oh when she smiles... when she smiles.. she smiles.....)




When you're not around, I feel lost.
Even if forever never comes,
you're the only one who can make me come undone...

All The Wrong Reasons

Finally! It has reached the end of the week. I have waited sooooooo long for this. Believe me, with all the lab reports, projects and lack of sleep, a few days can seem like weeks. But, I haven't got any plans this Friday night. Argh, what a bummer! Any ladies care to go for a movie tonight with da man? haha,I was just kidding. With all the work piling up, I'd be crazy if I still had the time to go out.

Anyway, I went to donate blood at the HSA building in Outram after school with Ah seow, Lim and Edmund. It wasn't our first time. We were joking about wanting to get the "medal" recognition for the donations but that will take us another 46-48 donations before we hit 50.

Zomg, look at the size of the needle!

450ml of blood pumping in action

Then I headed down to Clarke Quay to join the CG at the Riverwalk building for a er...not sure what's it called. Its a gathering anyway for the secondary school and tertiary students. By the time I got back home, I was half dead from the lack of sleep. It was so tempting to just stay in bed this morning instead of dragging myself out at 6 in the morning. I still went to school anyway but apparently, somebody gave in and slept all the way...right Josh?

Ok, enough foolin' around. Time to get back to work, see you guys!

DAMMIT

School's been quite a mess this week with so many things to finish and tests to study for but there's just so little time. Anyway, the conversation this morning with Edmund really was a wakeup call. Yes, his tone might have been a little harsh and we had our disagreements but which group doesn't? Edmund if you're reading this, I apologize for the past and the post yesterday which I have already removed. I typed it in a heat of a moment and it might have damaged our brotherhood but one thing I hope, no hard feelings after this morning.

On a second note, the movie I watched yesterday, "Click", was hilarious and touching. Although its my second time watching it, I still say its one Adam Sandler's best movies. You should catch it if you haven't. Tears were really welling up in my eyes when I watched it during the first time at the part where he grew old and was on verge of dying. You can call me hysterical but people who know me long me enough will know how hard it is to make a guy like me cry when it comes to watching movies. After watching it yesterday, it made me realize a lot of the things in life that I took for granted, especially family and friends. So to those friends whom I suddenly ask to go out with you for a movie or dinner, don't be so paranoid will ya?

Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?

Someday, Somehow, Somewhere

My bad for not being able to post the photos of the masquerade party because Josh took his photos in a different format or something like that. Either way, it was quite an event but there was just one problem with the damn air-con! The whole room was so stuffy and crowded, not to mention the small seating place each of us had. Everyone was dressed in their best..well,almost everyone. For the first time, all the ladies in my cell (including the paranoid queen's friend, Sylvia) were in dresses and a little compliment from me, they all looked great! The masks were a good addition to the party but like I said, with the air-con not working, you'd have to be crazy or too cool to wear the mask the whole evening! After the event, we went to take some photos and chat at coffee bean until quite late before heading home. Oh yeah, Sam Chew and I sent Sylvia and the paranoid queen home after that. The taxi fare was quite..no, scratch that...too expensive but hey, a girl's safety is much more important than money don't you think? Besides, its an honour that the gal trusts you with her safety to send her home...at least that's what I think.

Anyway, that aside. Today I was walking along the basketball court near my house to get lunch when I saw a few guys playing street soccer. There was one guy who rammed the ball so hard at the goal post and to save the ball, the goal keep rushed out but the ball hit him bull's eye right in the nuts. Youch, that's gotta hurt!! He squatted for a while before jumping around, holding his crotch. It was hilarious the way he hopped around like a bunny. I was laughing to myself for a while out there before sympathising with him. I've heard stories of gals kicking guys in the nuts for all sorta reasons but just so you know ladies, it hurts like hell and please don't do that to your boyfriends unless they cheated on you.

Cause everything inside never seems to come out right
When I see you cry, it makes me wanna die

Sleepless Nights Alone

This is how fairy tales go...
Boy meets gal,
boy likes gal, gal likes boy.
They live happily ever after.

This is what usually happens in real life...
Boy A meets gal,
boy A likes gal, gal likes boy B.
Friendship between boy A and gal turn sour.
Gal confesses to boy B,
boy B accepts gal love,
boy B and gal live happily ever after.
Boy A spends time to drown his sorrow,
thinking,"Nothing ever goes the way it should..."

I want you to stay, I feel like I'm lost without you and life can never be the same

Made of Scars

"Its for your own good",I have been hearing that for the past 19 years
and quite frankly, I'm really sick of it.
You can only force a man to do what he doesn't like so much before he eventually snaps,
and I'm on the brink of that happening.
Quit telling me what I should and can do,
I can think for myself and I sure as hell don't need you to be part of that discussion.
Everything has to go only your way,
even my interests and hobbies has to be denied.
I might not be as successful as your friends' children in their academics,
neither am I as enthusiastic as them in certain aspects of life,
but if given the choice, who wouldn't wanna be perfect?
People say God created each and every one of us specially in his own image,
but I'm really beginning to wonder if I'm really unique or just a walking disaster...

You asked what was wrong, I smiled and said, "nothing".
Then I turned around and whispered, "everything!"

There And Back Again

This post is gonna be a little wordy so bear with me if you plan to read through it. It started with me goin home from the gym today after school. After I boarded the bus and found a seat, I overheard some...well, not so glamorous stuff. There was a group of JJC gals seated in front of me and I kinda overheard their conversation about boys and...are you ready for this?...how they wank. Sheesh! My ipod was outta battery and its not like I'm interested in their conversation but at the volume they were talking, there wasn't much difficulty in hearing what they said. OMG!!!
I know its normal to get horny in an environment where you see good-looking guys with bulging muscles and pretty gals in short uniform skirts but for cryin out loud,we are in a civilised society! And I thought JC gals were more...innocent about such stuff..at least I haven't heard them talk about such stuff in public so loud until now that is. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone so don't take it personally, especially JC people.

Numb the pain and calm the raging tempest

Its not always easy to act hardened on the outside,
when deep inside we hide those scars so deep.
I miss you when something good happens,
because you're the one I want to share it with.
I miss you when I'm troubled,
because you're the one who understands me.
I miss you all the time,
but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night,
and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other.
Sometimes we put up walls not to keep people out,
but to see who cares enough to break them down.
Through it all, I've made my mistakes and stumbled and fell...



The Last Goodbye
Black Label Society
Shot To Hell

Take me down this road
I've been done here once before
Take me down this road
Once again, never again, forevermore
Take me down this road once more

Take this love
Take this life
Take this blood
It'll never die
Take this love
Take this life
Take this blood
It'll never die
This ain't the last goodbye

Take me down this road
Just to see a smile on your face
Take me down this road
All that is and all that was cant be replaced
Take me down this road once more

Take this love
Take this life
Take this blood
It'll never die
Take this love
Take this life
Take this blood
It'll never die
This ain't the last goodbye

Take this love
Take this life
Take this blood
It'll never die
Take this love
Take this life
Take this blood
It'll never die
This ain't the last goodbye

Stricken

Alright dudes and dudettes, my mind's about 80% made up to go to a far, faraway land for 6 months later this year. The only things stoppin me now are that I haven't asked the Lord yet and there are some events I'm gonna miss. Apart from that, everything is more or less ready.

Earlier this evening, I went back to my optician to make a pair of permanent contacts and guess what? For the first time, Moms agreed to let me drive myself there so low and behold...

the keys to freedom

a picture of the dashboard

The traffic was a little hectic in the evening with everyone driving so close to the car in front of 'em, it seemed impossible to switch lanes especially near the AMK MRT. When I arrived at the carpark, there was a car in front of me waiting for another driver to park her car. Right, it was a lady...actually she looked more like a girl,around my age. In fact, she's quite a good looking with her long ponytail. Don't ask me why, I just always got something for girls (well,not all that is) with ponytails...Anyway, sorry to digress, the driver in front of me was an old guy and he seemed quite impatient, always inching forward every few seconds. My uncle always says the ladies can't park for shit. I'm not a feminist and neither am I a MCP so I just sit on the fence. Are there any ladies out there who can prove him wrong? :)

Are there times when you feel...truly alive when you're doing something? Well, for me its driving..maybe racing school in the future will be a good idea?

If you're gone...

I've been doing some thinking today about the overseas attachment stuff and I feel I really wanna go for it. Like all good things in life, it comes with a price and this price ain't the least bit cheap. That aside, I'm too stuck on the people here especially my family, friends and cg. Funny how it is, although I've only spent like 2 months with the cg, I feel very...attached to 'em especially the Paranoid Queen and Josh. Like I just found a missing part of me...

Anyway, for the sake of those not from my course and thinking what the heck am I talking about, there are choices to Australia, China and Taiwan. China's not really my kinda place and I don't think I'm gonna enjoy working there. On the other hand, I really wanna go to Australia for the attachment but apparently its gonna cost a bomb! Taiwan's much cheaper but I'm not sure if thats where I wanna go. I just pray that Moms will allow me to go for it.

Speaking of Moms, I thought of how she was gonna react after I asked her when I suddenly thought of the times she scolded me when I was a kid. During those times when we were young and stupid (I mean those around my age group), I remembered once she scolded me...

Moms: You are real pain in the neck!
Me: Huh? Which part of your neck pain?

Another time...
Moms: You are real nuts!
Me: Where got nuts? I also want to eat!

Oh my goodness! I kept laughing to myself when I thought back of those times and Moms thought I'd gone bonkers when she saw me.

Everything just fell apart

Fall Apart
Hurt
Vol. 1

I messed up again when I tried
You spend all your money and I
And, oh! By the way,
With all you did nothing has changed
So lie like a waste by the side
As everything just falls apart
'Cause everything just fell apart for me

I cracked my head and broke my
I correct my head and broke my
I cracked my head and broke my heart

And I don't feel the need to go on
I was happier singing along the way
I had things, I need to say
But now it's like a swallowed tape
That holds up my face from inside
As everything just falls apart
'Cause everything just fell apart for me

So woe is me
Oh woe is me, yeah

I cracked my head and broke my... heart
And the hell of it is what we are
We finish and wish we could start again
Our skin tears away as
Our memories fade with age
And we don't even know 'til it's gone?
But everything just fell apart
'Cause everything just falls apart for me

So woe is me
It all falls apart you see
So woe its me
It all fell apart

I cracked my head and broke my
I cracked my head and broke my
I cracked my head and broke my heart
Everything just comes down
It falls around me
'Cause, well...
Everything just falls uhhhh

So woe is me
It all falls apart you see
So woe is me
It all fell apart

But I cracked my head and broke my
I cracked my head and broke my
Everything just falls a...

Had it coming to me

Its not easy to resist going back to sleep when you have only slept for three to four hours and have a head splitting headache almost every minute. For this, I gave in and missed cgm this week. Apparently, I won't say who was it but someone got really pissed (the type when a bull sees red kinda pissed)...well, at least from her message she sounded really super duper angry. "Hell has no fury like a woman's scorn", keep that in mind when you are gonna offend a lady.

If she wanted me to feel guilty, I must admit she succeeded without a doubt. And yeah,this brought back some memories of when we were at expo. Another someone who is a female as well got a little indignant at me, see the pattern emerging? Don't get me wrong, I bear no grudge or anything like that against 'em cause on both occasions, I deserved it and I'm sorry...

Heart of Iron

Caught Iron Man today with the cell today, a marvellous movie with an interesting plot I must say, especially with the cars and the weapons featured. Being the car fanatic that I am, I was in awe of the Rolls Royce Phantom and the Audi R8. Believe me, they do not come cheap at all. Each of 'em can buy a condo unit, maybe more than one. Surprisingly, they used AC/DC 's Back In Black for the opening. Its quite an old song but nevertheless, a classic. I shall not ruin it for those who have not watched it by telling the story here but its a definite must-see.

There is something else I learned from the movie. Sometimes its not about the big things you do that impresses the gal but on the contrary, its the small minor details that you pay attention to that will touch her heart. To the gals who are reading this entry, is it true? I got some friends who said that and at first I thought it was bull but it may well just be a fact.

For the first time I drove to NP during the night yesterday. It sure feels different from the day, especially when you are speeding on Bukit Timah Road with your mother nagging at you to slow down. Well, I cannot blame her for being so anxious when the speed limit there's only 70km/hr but everyone was driving so fast so guess I was a little tempted...Speaking of speeding, I remembered driving around 110km/hr and a Ferrari F350 overtook me so fast. I think that guy was probably driving around 140 or 150. Never got to take any pictures that night cause the quality did not turn out so well. Anyway,thats all for now...gotta jet.