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Since young,I've learnt to accept the fact that at some point of time in our lives,
people WILL tell us some things we won't wanna hear,
especially those that hurts,
be it blurting it out accidentally or purposely just to hurt your feelings.
Like it or not, that's how the world works.
While the truth can sometimes be nastily hurting, it is after all, the truth and the only way is to accept it.
I figured since Sam's gone, blogging it down would be a better idea rather than talking to a wall or bottling it all up.
What kills a man is not the physical pain on his body but its the pain inside the heart that deals the finishing blow
Watched Get Smart with the cg yesterday and like what Sarah's blog said, incomplete as usual. Only 5 outta the whole lot but it was fun nevertheless. The movie's pretty good if you're looking for laughter at some lame stuff but I won't recommend watching if you're in a bad mood. Kinda your typical James Bond movie with the "added twist".
School on the other hand hasn't been a bed of roses. The holidays seemed so short and it didn't even feel like the holidays at all. The calculations for the whole heat-exchanger in the PED project's been screwed and I've to re-do almost everything. Its gonna be a very a short weekend after all...
I suggest you stop reading here if you're not interested in my...problems...rather complaining will be a better word.
* * *
The service today about Man and His Purpose was good but what really got me kinda freaked out was the prayer meeting after that. Chris and JH will probably know what I'm talking about.
I coulda sworn they were starting to give me the heebie jeebies all over and the goosebumps.
Twice now, one was at Camp X and the other today,
I mean its kinda disheartening to see almost everyone getting it except for yourself.
I was starting to think of the tens and thousands of reasons why not and perhaps there's something wrong with me spiritually or whatever you call it...
I've been such a fool haven't I?
Going back to school over the past few days hasn't exactly an enjoyment especially with all 'em JC students squeezing with you in the bus like a can of sardines, tuna, whatever fish you can find that's canned. Some of 'em even took up two seats with their bags!!! Not to mention it was like 6+ in the morning. Argh, those times when I felt so tired and all I wanted to do was sleep, coulda sworn I felt like smacking some sense into 'em!! I thought JC students were more polite than that, *tsk, tsk*. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean all JCs but I guess those near the poly (won't mention names here, its not fair to condemn the whole school when its the fault of just a few students) just need a lesson on basic courtesy. Those JCs are one of the top few in S'pore some more!! Sheesh.
Kinda feel weird about my new hairstyle. Like I said in the previous post, it made me feel a little naked without the tail BUT its definitely much and I mean MUCH cooler so can't complain.
Speaking of complaining, didn't do too good for the Unit Operations CT paper.
The average was like 70-80+ but I only got 60+. I'm feeling so screwed!!
Life is really beginning to suck!!
Some of you call it lovesick while others call it craziness.
Whatever it is, if this keeps up, I think I'm gonna CRACK!!!
This is 1 long post but I'm doing it since the Queen asked. Like her, I'm too lazy to email to everyone else so PUH-LEASE help yourself if you wanna do it too.
WELCOME TO THE 2008 EDITION OF GETTING TO KNOW YOUR FRIENDS.
WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO IS COPY (NOT FORWARD) THIS ENTIRE E-MAIL
AND PASTE IT ONTO A NEW E-MAIL THAT YOU WILL SEND.
CHANGE ALL THE ANSWERS SO THEY APPLY TO YOU,
AND THEN SEND THIS TO YOUR FRIENDS
INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.
THE THEORY IS THAT YOU WILL LEARN A LOT OF LITTLE THINGS ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS THAT YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE KNOWN!!!!
1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING?
about 5:45am, school life *sigh*
2. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS?
No preference for any of 'em, too expensive for a guy to be wearing too don't you think?
3. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA?
Kung Fu Panda!! Pretty hilarious movie.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?
I'm not really much of a TV person, considering I only watch TV like 3 times a week for two hours each or three at most.
CSI Miami and the OC series are my favourites!!
5. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY HAVE FOR BREAKFAST?
Don't eat breakfast most of the time unless I didn't eat dinner the previous night.
Unless you consider drinking coffee breakfast?
6. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Wei han.
7. WHAT FOOD DO YOU DISLIKE?
I'm kinda like the garbage bin of my family cause whatever they can't finish, I'm supposed to clear up the food so not really any food in particular.
except for BITTER GOURD!! I wouldn't eat it even if its the last type of food on earth.
8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CD?
I've never been a CD person
but if I've to choose, it will be 14 Shades Of Grey by Staind back in my sec sch days.
9. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE?
Toyota Vios.
Provided Mom's not using and when she isn't niam-ing (its hokkien in case you don't know)
10. FAVOURITE SANDWICH?
The good ol' kaya bua gu you bread.
I know I know,its a bit ah pek like what Josh said but I grew up eating 'em.
11. WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO YOU DESPISE THE MOST?
Arrogance. Those that think they are too good to be friends with you and their voice are too pure to talk to you, screw 'em!!!
12. FAVOURITE ITEM OF CLOTHING?
Jeans.
Something which is suitable for almost any occasion apart from 'em formal ones.
24. WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE?
US 10 I think.
25. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?
Used to.
Maybe another one later in life.
26. ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH US?
Now that I've cut my hair especially the tail (the part covering the back of my neck), I feel a little naked for some reason. Maybe I'm feeling kinda insecure from the lack of the tail?
I'm not too surprised if those from the cg cannot recognise me though.
27. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?
I used to want to be in the army but I'm not so sure now...
A professional rally and drifting racer is my dream now though. I'm a car fanatic and I can't say no to beautiful cars both on the outside and under the hood.
28. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
Tired.
29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CANDY?
Don't really eat candy so...
30. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FLOWER?
Nah...A guy liking flowers?!
If you were plannin on getting in touch with my feminine side, sorry to disappoint you.
31. WHAT IS A DAY ON THE CALENDAR YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO?
Christmas. A beautiful day with beautiful weather usually and spent with beautiful people to celebrate the birthday of the Messiah!!
32. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME?
Lu Wei han Samuel.
33. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Tallulah by Sonata Arctica.
Pretty sad song with the lyrics but it has a sweet piano melody behind it.
In fact, a beautiful combination of piano, drums and electric guitars.
Speaking of pianos, I'm a sucker for gals who can play the piano (and yes, that including prodding as well, does that answer your question PQ? XD).
34. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Pig's trotters bought by Moms from er...does it matter?
Tastes pretty good though and yes, I know its unhealthy.
Life's pretty short so do what you want and think about it later.
35. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Stars?! You can't see a single star in Singapore!!! at least from where I stay..
36. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?
Black or blue.
37. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
Cool evening. Pretty nice view from my room too.
38. FAVOURITE SOFT DRINK?
Oleandia (not too sure if the spelling's correct) water.
Don't ask me why although it tastes exactly like carbonated water.
Some people find it funny and I can name a few like Sarah and Elyn.
39. FAVOURITE RESTAURANT?
This a little difficult cause I don't go out on restaurant meals often...
Tony Roma's and Kushinbo will be my best two.
40. SIBLINGS?
An older sister.
41. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
That would be April 8th!!
If you can't think of the reason,shows how much you know about me..go figure
42. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Power Rangers!!!
Cars too I guess? I starting to wonder if there's gasoline in my genes considering how much I love 'em.
43. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter definitely.
44. HUGS OR KISSES?
I dunno really...
Unlike many of you guys and gals,I haven't given away my first kiss :)
45. COFFEE OR TEA?
Coffee!!
I drink it like 4 or 5 times a day, probably just a matter of time before I get caffeine overdose.
46. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Chocolate.
47. YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO E-MAIL YOU BACK?
Sure!! Why not? Be my guest but just don't spam my inbox.
48. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Man,that's pretty long ago. About 12 years ago when my Pops passed away.
49. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
Dust and more dust.
50. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST?
Samuel Shen.
Its been like 12 years since we been in the same class from P1 to P4, ended up in the same class in sec 1 and 2. Then he went to SIM Uni and me in NP before going for NS but we still meet up nowadays with the rest of the brotherhood.
51. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
Watching Hotel Rwanda online then chatting with PQ before KO-ing.
52. FAVOURITE SMELL?
Sandalwood.
Fell in love with it the first time I smelled it.
53 WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
This is pretty easy.
NAGGING!!
54. SALTY OR SWEET?
Hmmm...Depends on what kinda food you talking about I guess.
55. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR RING?
Three.
56. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE WEEK?
Sat.
57. HOW MANY SUBURBS HAVE YOU LIVED IN?
None.
Lived my whole life 24 storeys above the ground.
58. DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS EASILY?
Not too bad.
59. HOW MANY WILL RESPOND?
Er...respond to what?
Finally!! The one who created this must be very eager to know the persons he/she sent to. Sheesh.
I can't stop thinking about you
Another day passes by and still counting,
now I understand how much I need you.
It just hurts so bad when I think about a life without you,
I'm already prepared for the worst case scenario and
I wanna tell you everything, bare my heart outta you literally but...
I can't due to the present circumstances.
Worst is I can't control any of 'em.
Regardless of the flaws you may have,
or what others may criticize you for,
all I know is you're perfect to me...
I wanna be looking into your beautiful eyes always,
I wanna be there for you whenever you're down,
I wanna be there to make you smile when you're feeling sad,
I wanna hug you and give you warmth when you're feeling cold,
I wanna laugh with you when you're happy,
All I wanna say is I just wanna grow old with you..
Show no emotion and it can destroy your soul..
First of all, I wanna say to Sarah I'm sorry for your lost. One thing I can say is I understand how upsetting it can get when you lose a loved one, especially if they are very close to you so please don't feel like you're all alone. If you're reading this and perhaps you wanna talk or even just go for movie or anything even just to feel a little better, don't hesitate to gimme a call.
When I got that message from Sarah that one of her family members passed away, the first thing that came to my mind was my Pops. He passed away when I was younger, much younger...seven years old to be exact. Its been 11 years, 11 months and 2 days since he went back to the Lord that faithful day. I still remember everything that happened on that very day but I won't blog about it. Thinking back, I still can't think of how I managed to fake a smile at those who came for the wake even though deep inside I really felt like crying.
Every time I walk past those fast food restaurants like KFC or Mac and I see a family having their meal together happily, I may not have shown it but I always asked myself why God took him home so early? If he wasn't gone, I could probably still be like those families. But like what I saw on the net about a saying, "If we were God for a day and understood why He did what He did, we woulda done the same..." so I don't blame Him. Everything He does has a reason behind it and its always for the greater good even though it might seem unfair to us at times.
Every tear, every heartbreak, every smile, paid in full...
This is gonna be a little long post although its only been four days into the week so please be patient. Every single day I've been going to school to do that PED project with that huge book you can see below. Its tough yes, but I thank God for my group mates who put in the best they got and we are like brothers despite having some disagreements at times but hey, which group doesn't? For the sake of those who has no idea what is that, its called the Perry's Chemical Engineer Handbook in case you can't see it. Contains almost every single detail about every chemical you can find on the face of this earth to how you can construct a petroleum refining plant. No wonder it contains about 2000 over odd pages. Really can't imagine how those university students taking Chem Engr have to refer to and bring this book (more like an encyclopaedia) to and fro from school everyday.
Speaking of school, I saw Greg today. Yes! The very same innocent guy who was everyone's favourite guy back in my seconday school days. His hair wasn't as long as what he had kept the last time for two years after the O's but his funny personality still hasn't changed one bit, that's mah dude!
behold, your friend in chemical engineering!
The lack of sleep in the past few days got me a bad runny nose. If it couldn't get worse, I got a bad stomach upset and diarrhoea (19 years of my life and I still can't spell this word right without looking up a dictionary) from...whatever I ate yesterday. I can't remember what did I ate but you get the idea what I'm babbling about.
Finally, well..actually it happened last week when I got back from Camp X but I forgot to blog it down. I think I told Josh about this nightmare I had about the cg and he said maybe it reflects how important the cg has become in my life. Anyway, the dream was the usual cgm on a Sunday and it had just ended. Everyone was going into the lift and heading down. Seems I forgot to take something so I rushed back into the house to get it then when I took the lift down, I couldn't find any of the cg members anywhere. I ran around the void decks in the surrounding area, the coffee shops, the market, the MRT station hoping to find one of 'em...any of 'em. I ran for hours and hours until it was dark and that was when I started to panic. At that moment I got up and wham! I banged my arm against my table beside my bed so hard I ended up with a huge blue black and its still there. At that time I felt more startled and frightened at the dream than I felt the pain. It felt so real, just like in real life. I just hope it doesn't happen again and sure as hell it doesn't happen in real life. Its less than 70 days before I'm going to Taiwan and frankly, for some reason, it doesn't feel good one bit.
P.S.
To PQ: Hey, you said not to tag your blog so I'll just say it here and hopefully you will read this. About the interview, you ain't outta it unless they tell you that you're so don't give up hon! The light still shines bright on ya :)
To Advisor: Yoz kakak, someday you gotta teach me that Bahasa Melayu we were trying to converse in yesterday. My standard really cannot make it.
There's a time to lead and a time to follow but why does the truth always have to hurt?
Although its been only a week into the holidays, lots of stuff had happened especially with all that hocus pocus you know what. Never mind if you don't get me but the Advisor will understand what I'm rambling all about. Sometimes you wonder is someone indirectly telling you to back off or to piss you off or may not even mean a thing in the first place! Damn signals can be very confusing unless you know the person well enough which I obviously still have lots to learn! (refer to the picture if you don't get me)
Argh, sometimes life keeps playing me around in circles!!
P.S. Advisor: Although it was just an sms, it really meant a lot to me. Much thanks, appreciate it!
I wait up late every night just to hear your voice but you don't know that's nothing like me
For the past weeks, I've been thinking about the trip to Taiwan for 6 months. A lotta stuff can happen in 6 months ya know, not to mention the people and events I'm gonna miss.
Now I'm having regrets about it but its too late to back out now with all the application done already.
I was secretly hoping God would do something like suddenly no tourists allowed into Taiwan like North Korea or some natural disaster like a really bad typhoon happens that can cancel the whole trip.
But its utterly selfish to want something for yourself at the expense of others. Besides, what are the chances of a natural disaster preventing tourist entry into the country for six months?! Unless, the place's like Myanmar.
STUPID STUPID me for choosing it!
Honestly, I didn't think there was anything holding me back from going in the past. But it was always there all the while, just that I didn't realize it soon enough.
Well done Sam, you screwed yourself over! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!!
Dear God,
the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too faraway...
Camp X
A blast compared to what I expected. I've never been much of a camp person and no exception in this one as well when I first heard of it probably cause due to my previous camps. Somehow, some way, something inside told me to go for it even though there was reluctance.
Day 1
I planned to meet Sam Chew in the evening but as usual I came too early (dunno what's this problem with me,always coming to early for some reason). Anyway, went to BK to wait for him and I didn't realize Chris was just behind me all that time until she called me. Man, I musta looked like a blur sotong to her but can't blame me entirely cause her head was facing downwards studying so I couldn't see her face. After that we met the rest and proceeded on to Riverwalk.This is gonna be a little cheesy so bear with me. Yeah, I learnt a lot of stuff there regarding our spiritual life. Most importantly, after seeing Chris's enthusiasm and hunger for Christ during the course of the camp, I feel very encouraged and inspired to worship and communicate with Him more often now. Thank you very much Da Mei!
Day2
Quite relaxed but the apprentice game was a little nuts. We had to earn as much money as possible and ended up doing push-ups and singing in front of a group of secondary school gals. It was fun at the Haute Couture. A very BIG congrats to Josh on winning the Haute Couture championship. I suppose now there will be ladies calling him every time and trying to ask him out or something like that. Anyway, well done bro! You deserved it with all the effort and time you put in!
On the first night I had a really really super duper mega ultra bad (that gives you an idea how bad it is?) dream, actually its more of a nightmare about someone. That morning I woke up feeling a little traumatised,feeling afraid of what if it really came true one day.That was probably one of the reasons I never did try to sleep during the second night and ended up playing cards with Sam Chew, Mei Qi and Mei Yan till 6:30 in the morning, really brought back the times I was in India, playing cards whenever we were free. Crazy you may say, but fear sometimes drives one to do the craziest of things. Apparently, Chris couldn't seem to take it after 3 hehe. Poor gal's face was so pale, I thought she was sick. You better get some rest, Da Mei! Speaking of which, there were a few things I wished I never discovered nor experienced there. What they were? Well,let's just skip it for now. Nevertheless, much thanks to Sam Chew for the advice and the time spent on the conversation, really appreciate it.
Its getting harder to be around you with so much I can't saySadly, you never gave me too many chances to show you how much I care...
For the past weeks,I've really been a mess in my studies.With all the projects swarming around,holidays still feels like school with the only difference of not needing to wake up early.However said year 3 in poly is relaxed is probably nuts.
Oh yeah,went to watch Kung Fu Panda yesterday with the cg. It was really a funny movie but a little short, only lasted about an hour and a quarter. Anyway what I learn was it may not be easy to handle the duties we are given but we just gotta get it done somehow,one way or another. So why not give it our best shot?
Ya know, I think my feelings right now are exactly like the song "If I Let You Go" by Westlife. Its an old school..no,more of an antique..song but I find the lyrics still very emotion striking (is there such a term?). I've been thinking about it long and hard, especially considering what my "advisor" (or rather she self-proclaimed herself a love doc) said. I'm still contemplating on what to do so just gimme a little more time...
I keep on searching but I cant find the courage to show, to letting you know
Night after night,I hear myself say, "why can't this feeling just fade away?"
But if I let you go, I'll never know what my life will be holding you close to me
I just got back from watching Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull with the "first-time club" clique. Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Quite a funny show with lots of action, my favourite was the bar fight part. The show would have been nice if the UFO didn't appear at the end, it was sorta anti-climax. Unless you like games such as Lara Croft Tomb Raider, I'll advise against watching it.
Yesterday my cousin came over and he was asking me stuff about love and sex, stuff like that. He's only 10! I wasn't exactly good at this topic especially coming from the situation I'm currently in. The moment he started, I was thinking, "Good Lord! Now I'm supposed to teach a kid sex education?!" It was a nightmare trying to answer his questions and yet sound er...lets put it this way, politically correct. He was asking question after question, it never seemed to end and when I couldn't take it any more, I just told him one thing; you will understand when you grow older. Ain't that what most of our parents told us? Considering if you managed to stay outta trouble (if you get what I mean), it works for most of us.
I find myself staring into the night sky almost every night recently for some reason. Not that there are stars anyhow but my thoughts will end up drifting to someone. It always happens when I start to idle around. Anyway, I'm curious about something. To the ladies, will you prefer to be with someone you love or someone who loves you?
Do you want me to hide these feelings and look the other way?
Thought you should know that I tried my best to let go but I just can't help it...
I went to Zubin's birthday party on Sat and it sure felt like ol' times back in secondary school. Seeing his brother growing up and his voice deepening really made me feel OLD. That was like back in 2003 when we were still in Sec 2 and all those crazy stuff that happened. By the way, if you guys reading this post don't know who's this Zubin dude, we've been bros since we were in P5. We homies go way back. Meeting all them old dudes from mah generation made me realise time sure passes fast, those days when our school was still in Rangoon seemed like yesterday. Soon, all of us will be knocking it down in Tekong or Choa Chu Kang area. To those who kept asking me why my hair suddenly so long, lemme just clarify it here. Firstly, I'm not emo and secondly, I didn't keep my hair long cause I'm thinking of someone (what in heck's name kinda reason for keeping long hair is that? Can't remember who asked me that anyway)...at least that's not the reason for this. I know its a drastic change from what I looked like back in secondary school but like what Edmund always say; life's short, gotta try out different things.
You know, the song Sorry by Buckcherry keeps ringing back in mah head..for some reason,whatever it is. Anyway, that was random. Before I forget..Argh, Josh!!!! PLEASE for goodness sake..keep whatever secrets and guesses about me to yourself and don't go around telling the whole world!!
I love the way you make my world go round
